You have used a range of complex grammar structures accurately and effectively.
Mistakes: 1. Unarguably, the tourism industry can accelerate economic - Unquestionably, the tourism industry can significantly accelerate economic - The word 'unarguably' is too strong and does not fit within the context, and 'significantly' provides a better alternative to imply the intensity of the impact. 2. Arrival of travellers is capable - Arrival of travelers is capable - 'Travellers' should be' travelers' in order to stay true to the American Standard English. 3.Travelers expenditure - Travelers' expenditure - Here, 'travelers' should have an apostrophe to make clear who the expenditure belongs to: the travelers. 4. Therefore, residents of these areas would be able to live better lives without leaving there homelands. - Therefore, residents of these areas would be able to live better lives without leaving their homelands. -Here, the spelling of 'there' should be 'their'. 1. Improve sentence flow by creating transition sentences such as 'In addition,', 'On the other hand,' etc. 2. Include more personal opinion to substantiate the arguments and achieve a higher band score. 3. Work on the introduction and conclusion to make it more definitive and directly relevant to the essay prompt. 4. Introduce a counter-argument to make the essay more balanced and accurate.